2020 is nearly here, and it’s not just any new year, it’s 2020! It’s a new decade, and I can’t be the only one wondering how the last decade passed by so quickly. Gone are the days of Angry Birds, The Floss, Gangham Style, Inflate Gate, and a bunch of other lame trends and topics that came and went right along with your New Year’s resolutions. If you’re rolling your eyes at all those ambitious hipsters making New Year’s resolutions to live their best life, and you aren’t quite ready to drink the Kool-Aid, no worries. Here are some New Year’s resolutions you can actually keep!
1. Stop wearing pajama pants out of the house.
It’s easy enough to do, just grab a pair of sweat pants or leggings out of that pile of dirty laundry in the corner. Slip them on (but maybe give them a sniff test first), and boom, you’re ready for Walmart, dinner at McDonalds, or dinner at Walmart.
2. Only eat ice cream between the hours of 1:00 a.m. and midnight.
“Milk does a body good,” right? I don’t know, maybe it’s fake news, but if it’s true, it stands to reason that rich, delicious ice cream must be really good for you! Unfortunately though, it might not be great for your waistline or blood pressure. So, try to cut it back a little; only allow yourself to eat it 23 hours a day. And what’s the point of that sugar-free, non-GMO, vegan, free-range, cruelty-free ice cream anyway? If you’re going to overindulge, you might as well go all in!
3. Cut back on Television.
I decided a couple years back that I was watching too much Television. Zoning out in front of the “tube” is an American way of life, but when those cable bills starting edging over $200 a month I said enough was enough! I proudly got rid of my cable and signed up for Netflix instead. Then not long after that I got a Hulu account, followed by Amazon, and now Disney Plus. I think I watched all of the Game of Thrones seasons in one weekend, but yah, I have definitely cut back on Television!
4. Don’t stay in bed past noon.
You should feel proud of yourself for making it from your bed to the couch before noon! That’s what my dog does, so why can’t I? It’s not “sleeping in” if you have to get up, use the bathroom, and move to the couch! Want to impress your housemates? You might as well quickly change from pajama pants to sweat pants while you’re at it.
5. Reduce your time on social media.
Am I the only one that has to check my kid’s Facebook feed to see what’s going on in their life? I found out on Instagram that my daughter broke up with her boyfriend! Now, for some reason I can’t explain, my iPhone decided it was a good idea to send me a weekly report of my screen time. I enjoy viewing the report about as much as I do stepping on the scale at the doctor’s office! Turns out, I spend more time on my phone than I do sleeping! Hmmm, did I really need to know that?
6. Talk to someone today besides my cat (or dog).
In the “gig economy” more and more people are working from home. I know it sounds sexy, but then I realize it’s been three days since I took a shower, and I haven’t spoken to an actual human (except for that UPS guy that gave me a sad look) all week. Fine, I’ll text a friend, and that will make me feel more sociable. Besides, no one actually talks on the phone anymore, do they? I wonder what the world would be like if we all started holding real verbal conversations again.
If you’re comfortable in the quagmire of mediocracy and flaunt your badge of laziness like it’s a Pulitzer Prize, then these are probably 5 New year’s resolutions you can actually keep. However, if you look at those “Facebook memories” with disdain when they pop up, viewing your old self with envy, then maybe, just maybe, you can make some positive changes in 2020. Either way, all of us at ClatsopNews wish you a very Happy New Year!